The fabulous, the middle of the road and the pretty terrible

As we trundle through life, we collect experiences along the way.  Some of our experiences are fabulous, some middle of the road and some pretty terrible. How we handle the pretty terrible ones – if we are able to – can unfortunately affect our future selves.

The pretty terrible ones have an awful lot of power and have potential to stay with us for a lifetime. We might find that we use them to build walls around ourselves, keeping all manner of things from coming too close for fear that we might get hurt or disappointed again. We might even sweep the terrible under the rug but then find that we keep tripping over them. We might carry them with us and find they get heavier and heavier the further we go. We might find that we also carry the extra weight of shame, regret, remorse, and guilt and this too holds us back.

These pretty terrible experiences can continue to hurt us again and again and again if we let them, because the emotions we hold with them are still there.

The danger of building walls is that it might keep out the good stuff too. Sweeping stuff under the carpet means you get to the point where the carpet becomes too huge to step over and carrying stuff simply exhausting.

Just remember, however terrible it has been, you are so much more than the terrible times. These experiences may help sew the fabric of your life but they are not the complete outfit, they are not who you are.

Whether you need to offer yourself an olive branch to make amends, forgive yourself, be guided and supported to work through the hurts, remove yourself from unhealthy relationships, make and hold space for self-discovery, put things to rest or whatever it is you need to do to feel lighter and freer and to give yourself a chance to move on and move past and move towards better days, do it. You are so much more than the terrible times and you totally deserve to be happy.

Stay well x
Kim Fry
UKSA Welfare Officer