UKSA Blog

Are you a people pleaser?

Published 03/06/2020

Those of us prone to people-pleasing and tying ourselves up in knots worrying about what others think of us, don’t half get good at ‘trying’ to mind-read. We invent what we think someone else is thinking and then that invention has a spiteful habit of swaying our intentions.

Not only is people-pleasing the least fun way to live – jumping to the beat of someone else’s drum and giving others agency over what you do, how you do it, when you do it and why you do it – we could say it’s a bit, dishonest too. We think we’re being kind in being so utterly accommodating and sure, there are some who will love that we’re like this because it suits them so very much. But if we’re not being sincere in our yeses and actually they’re really no’s, then we’re not being honest. With others or ourselves. And whilst it feels kind to be so helpful and useful and problem-fixery, it is not always kind to lie, even a little, to ourselves nor to others.

And then there’s the worrying about what other people think. The truth of the matter is, that unless we outright ask someone (and they’re not a people-pleaser so we can trust that they’ll be honest with us and not say what they think we want to hear) then we’ll never know and you know what? We don’t really need to know.

What matters above all else is what we think of ourselves. If we are looking in the mirror and our smile reaches our eyes, we are doing something right.

Remember if you’re being judged by someone then they’ll likely judge you if you do and judge you if you don’t because that’s what judgemental people do. It’s how they get their kicks casting aspersions and criticisms on their side-seat into someone’s life rather than living their own to the full. Those people are often judging themselves too, but they are definitely not going to let you in on that little secret.

So please don’t shy away from who you are, what you want to do, how, when and why you want to do it. This is your chance to be happy too. Your role here isn’t to make every other person happy whilst inside you’re collecting a bucket load of regrets. Make yourself your priority and pop yourself at the top of that list.

Stay well x
Kim Fry
(UKSA Welfare Officer)