UKSA Blog

You might surprise yourself!

Published 10/06/2020

I was recently reading a fabulous article from the Blurt Foundation that talked about how we get caught up waiting for ourselves to be more. I come across this professionally and personally all the time and whilst there is nothing wrong with it, if we don’t take action it can leave us feeling as if we are not enough.

We sometimes get caught in the trap where we use up a ton of mental energy wishing we were a bit more. More self-confident, had more self-belief, self-worth, more this and a bit more of that. What we tend to do is wait, until all our ducks are in a more orderly fashion. We wait until we feel more of those things until we start considering are ‘One day’ I wills… Or our, ‘one day’ I want to…

The thing is this is a great example of where our actions can speak louder than our words. These things we aspire to be, we can become in our habits and our consistent action. Don’t get me wrong we have to practise but they are not out of reach. Even if they are on a shelf and you have to stretch yourself, they are not out of reach

Those ideas of yours – about that book you want to write, the course you want to pass, the places you want to explore (when we are allowed to), that blog you’d like to start, that super good idea that just won’t leave you alone – they’re good ideas. There’s room for those ideas and there’s room for you.

And if you’re unsure of how, then do some research you can be mentored from afar by the people who have done something similar; read their books, watch their YouTube videos, follow them on social media, take their courses, and read their How-tos. Google, Google, Google, like a Google ninja. You aren’t looking for all of the answers, not all at once, but the next logical and practical step for you.

Blurt came up with this fabulous formula. Doing things your way + your unique stance on things + your experiences poured in + tiny but consistent steps = the ‘thing’ being done in only the way you can do it, and that, right there is your magic in action.

Coincidentally, it’s also how we habitually build up our self-confidence, self-belief and self-worth – not by willing and wishing them into place but by gradually building on what’s already there. Whatever your ‘gah, this idea won’t leave me alone’ thing is,  give it a chance. Give you a chance. You might just surprise yourself.

You are worthy of all that’s good and glorious, Kim; happiness, love, healthy relationships, joy, vitality, and so on, even when:

  • You slip-up
  • You’re making amends
  • You don’t have all of the answers
  • It feels like luck
  • Someone told you you’re not
  • You’ve got a catalogue of mistakes you’ve made
  • You don’t know what you’re doing
  • You’re winging it
  • Your inner troll is adamant that you’re not worthy
  • You don’t feel you’ve earned your stripes
  • You don’t feel enough
  • You have different tastes
  • It feels like you’re swimming against the tide
  • You keep dropping the self-kindness ball
  • You keep dropping all of the balls
  • You’re scared and confused
  • Someone doesn’t like you
  • You don’t always like you
  • And, and, and.

It’s a never-ending list because we’re quite adept at finding alllll of the reasons why we’re so undeserving. You’re worthy, just because.

You are worthy!

When there’s a not-so-desirable experience that occurs, especially one which we collectively share, it’s completely understandable that we want to learn more about it so that we know what we’re dealing with. It’s natural that we feel an urge to lean towards others who are experiencing it too. There’s solidarity there, a feeling of being understood, comforted, and sometimes the equipping of tools to help see us through.

Sadly too, it can work totally the other way. We can lose hope, our mood can get pulled down, held down, and our feelings of fear can mushroom if that’s all we’re seeing, hearing, and engaging with.

When the chips are down it’s more imperative than ever to take care over what we consume, over what we welcome in.

There has to be light to the dark to balance it out. In seeking out the light, you’re not invalidating the dark, you’re just making room for both to co-exist. That light is crucial for life, there’s a reason that there are so very few living and breathing creatures in the darkest and deepest trenches of the sea – the light keeps us alive and it helps us to thrive.

At the moment, the tough stuff is all too easy to find – it’s everywhere we look and it peppers all of our conversations. It’s on loop on the news, the media titles and headlines blare it at us, and our social media feeds are full of grief and sorrow. There needs to be room for that, absolutely, unequivocally, without question – this isn’t about positive-washing life – that’s impossible and unrealistic and unfair. Positive and negative experiences co-exist, they’re two sides of the same coin and a lot of how we view things is based on how we view all things. There’s nowt more grating than being urged to think positively when we’re feeling anything but.

What it is about though, Kim, is taking care of how much space and time and energy and effort we’re prepared to give to either. Boundaries. What’s the ratio of what’s coming in? What’s the balance of give and take? How much room we’re making for the things that take from us; empathy, compassion, understanding, our feeling of safety, service, and how much room we’re making for the topping up; the joy, the laughter, the time-out and the time-offline, the re-charging and the hopeful.

It’s important always, this ratio-boundary-thing, but it’s more important than ever, right now.

Kim Fry
(UKSA Welfare Officer)